Ishtar of the Caribbean

So, as a faithful lover of Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley and great special effects I refused to read any reviews of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. And I'm glad that I didn't because for what seemed liked 7 hours as I watched this sinking ship I couldn't wait to give my own, untainted opinion of this third installment. I would rename it: Pirates of the Caribbean: Titanic II or Pirates of the Caribbean: It Never Ends. This movie is so bad that even the special effects seemed embarrassed. First of all, here is the storyline ... Jack is good, Orlando is bad, Jack is bad, Keira is a King, Davey Jones still is sushi, Orlando is good and misses Dad who still is a giant star fish, Jack and Jack and Jack and Jack all were doing 'shrooms together, Chow Yun Fat is in the movie simply to have a blockbuster and get cool scars, the freaky lady no one understood in Pirates II is now a giant inflatable that you've seen on the roof of your local Honda dealer. There is a search for 8 coins which are 9 but not really coins at all. Keith Richards ('nough said). Canons go off and the monkey steals some keys or something. And that's all in the first 4.5 hours of this ridiculous flick. I now know why they didn't open on a Wednesday that most blockbusters do before a long, weekend holiday ... they didn't want word-of-mouth to kill the weekend gross. So, take it from Rox and the other 7,000 people in the theater who were laughing and/or snoring uncomfortably as they all rationed their Goobers and 104-ounce diet Pepsis for the long trip -- rent Pirates I and watch Pirates II if they show it on your next airplane ride. If you haven't spent the $83 to go see the movie, skip it, matties. If you think this movie is good then walk the plank. TTGP gives "Pirates" a 2-pack out of a six-pack -- and that's just because Orlando and Keira are hot.