So, as I have professed, Rox is a closeted nerdosexual, and so therefore my friend Tehran and I got tickets for the 11:59 p.m. preview of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." First, darlings, please don't listen to anyone who says this movie is good. They are under some wicked spell, indeed. And Rox is one who loves the books AND the movies...so far. Let me have you look into the crystal ball: (and scene) The spineless Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge (Robert Hardy), refuses to believe that Voldemort is back in action. Making things worse, Harry, faced with a no-choice situation, has utilized a magical charm in front of a Muggle — a serious offense. He's hauled before a Ministry of Magic tribunal and threatened with expulsion from Hogwarts. Fortunately, his protector, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore (Michael Gambon), although acting strangely these days, steps forth to argue Harry's case. Then things get worse yet.
Fudge installs one of his minions, a rulebook Nazi named Dolores Umbridge (fantastically played by the wonderful Imelda Staunton), as Hogwarts' new teacher of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Umbridge is a giggling little witch and she decrees that, since Voldemort is not in fact back, the students need no longer be taught actual defensive magic. Harry and his pals Hermione (Emma Watson) and Ron (Rupert Grint) persuade a group of students to join them in forming an Army, an underground group that practices magic. Wow does that make Umbridge pissed so she seizes more power at the school, until she's soon running the place. Meanwhile, of course, Voldemort is back, and he's after something that Harry has to find first in order to head off magical calamity.
As one reviewer said, "By now, there are so many characters thronging the Potter saga that some of our favorites are getting crowded into the background." Ha, that's such an understatement. The only character in this is Umbridge. There is no interesting action, there is no interesting or witty dialogue and we couldn't care less about any of the characters -- new or old. We were so disappointed that it appeared everything was in the movie EXCEPT The Order of the Phoenix, which is only slightly touched upon. Yes, Harry's Radcliffe is getting hotter and beefier but that doesn't hold weight with the Roxstar.
Luckily, the final book is out next week and perhaps JK will redeem herself for allowing this particular movie to be made with such a lack of respect for the actual storyline. As I look into the magical 8-ball I see that there is only a 3...3-pack out of six pack that is darlings. Poof.
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