2006 is the new 1980s?? It seems that lately my adolescent years have been slapping me in the face with a left-handed beaded glove and it's totally, like totally, freaking me out. Am I wearing Diesle jeans or parachute pants and did I buy them at Macy's or Chess King? As 40 is the new 30 (at least to those who are 40 and over), apparently '06 is the new '80s. I turned on the TV the other day only to see one of my totally tubular '80s rock Goddesses Pat Benatar singing on a Candies shoe commercial with newcomer Cheyenne (Candies brand is celebrating its 25th Anniversary -- now THAT'S a Heartbreaker, don't you mess around with me). Pat currently lives in Hawaii with her husband but still has a pretty enthusiastic following (I saw her in concert about three years ago and she was still a totally hot rock chick -- sans the leather pants and headband, gag me with a spoon!). Then I see a print flier for a national touring production of the musical "Sweet Charity" starring, like, oh my God, of all people "Facts of Life" alum Molly Ringwald. Now you can take the good and take the bad or take them both and there you have the facts of life, the facts of life but I so totally used to totally, totally relate to Molly -- and Duckie and Donger. If you want to know what I was like in middle school-ish, just watch the Breakfast Club and I am a lethal combo of all five Dweeboramas. But here's what's, like, totally barfing me out: I just heard Jordan Knight, the artist formerly known as the lead singer of NKOTB which was formerly known as New Kids on the Block, singing a duet with totally awesome Deborah Gibson, formerly known as "Debbie" (Sidebar: did you know that when Gibson's "Foolish Beat" went to #1 in the U.S. when she was 17 years-old it made her the youngest artist to ever write, perform and produce a #1 hit? I digress.) This would have been THE event record and/or the theme song to Webster had it been done in 1983. The song is called "Say Goodbye" and, although it's not totally grotie-to-the-max it ain't going to be performed on the GRAMMYs! So, there is Roxie's recent flashback to the '80s. And on that note, whatever, I'm going to put on my Vans, my B.U.M. sweatshirt, Guess acid washed jeans, throw a little colored mouse in my hair and drive away in my Volvo with the "Baby on Board" sign suction-cupped to my back window. Until we chat again, don't have a cow, man.